How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?
by Giagirlyeah
Summary: I suck at summaries.  Read the title!


"Why did _I_ have to come along?" I asked for the millionth time that evening and pulled the hem of my dress down to my knees, only for it to ride back up. It was such a slutty dress. It had about as much fabric covering me as a bath towel, but it was so much tighter, and it was satiny mauve.

"Because," my best friend replied distractedly as she looked around for her date, "I didn't want to be alone." She suddenly smiled and waved at the blonde guy crossing the posh room. He didn't even say high before he planted one on her. Only after a couple of seconds did he let go of Katie and look at me with a dazzling smile. She herself was currently staring off into space like a dummy.

"Hello," he said, his Australian accent thick. "You must be Maria. Katie's told me all about you." I only giggled and nodded, trying to act like the airhead best friend I knew Katie would want me to be, though she would never say anything. I twirled a strand of caramel hair around my finger and glued on the fake smile.

"And you must totally be Jason!" I laughed and smiled at him like _I_ was the blonde. God, I hated acting like an idiot, but Katie was my best friend, and she seriously liked this guy, so...

"That's me. Anyway, it's good to meet you, and I hate to cut this short, but I need to talk to Katie, in private if you don't mind?" She glanced at me worriedly, then smiled at him weakly. I nodded and waved a hand like I didn't really understand in the first place.

"Yeah, sure, of course! Totally! See ya later!" I bounced off in the opposite direction. As soon as they're backs were turned, I stopped bouncing and looked back. Katie turned her head and sent a silent plea for help. I nodded my head encouragingly and smiled.

And then I went to the bar. _Hate to cut this short_. Please. He couldn't wait to brush me off. I doubted he had anything to say, either. She'd probably meet me back at the apartment with a big goofy smile one and gush about how much he kissed her.

Yippee.

I sat down on the one of the plush seats and laid down my clutch. God this dress was _way_ too revealing. It felt about ready to rip, and then everyone would see the black shorts I wore under it, because, unlike Katie, _I_ was smart enough to do so. Whatever, he might rip it off her anyway.

"Well, what's it gonna be, doll?" came a voice that made me smile.

"Hey, Mark," I greeted the bartender who was like a brother to me. He wiped a glass in the stereotyped, cliche way and grinned at me. It was so great that this was his shift, 'cause he would be the only person I could talk to normally in this place. "Something that looks real but isn't, if you don't mind."

He chuckled. "You got it, gorgeous." He winked and left to make me my faux drink. I sighed and relaxed my shoulders, trying to focus on how good my bed would feel when I got out of this dress and the shoes that were currently torturing my feet. I felt like I was doing pointe-which is the ballet where you stand on your toes.

"Well, well, well, I didn't know I died." said a smooth voice and a dark-haired guy sat down beside me. He was...crap, he was _fine_. He looked like a guy off a Marc Jacob ad, and he _smelled _like one too. Except his cologne was overpowering, and I had to stop myself from wrinkling my nose.

He had a bright, whitened smile, some seriously blue eyes that were looking over me, and the rest of his features were chistled. I could just _see_ the muscles bulging under his black and gray pinstriped shirt. He looked...thick.

Well...assessment done. He was a pervert.

"Excuse me?" I asked coldly.

"I guess I went to Heaven, then." he drawled and showed me his extremely pearly whites in an ear-to-ear grin. I gave him one of my world famous death-glares and let my mouth twist into a sneer. Message to pervert: GO AWAY!

"I repeat: excuse me?"

"Well, you are an angel, aren't you?"

I stared at him, and he smugly smiled back, probably thinking that my heart was beating faster and my head was spinning. On the contrary, my heart was fine, and my head was clearer than an invisible object. "Oh, I thought I was at a strip club." I replied and looked around dramatically. It was extremely satisfying to watch the shock spread across his face.

"Huh?"

"You are a pervert, aren't you?" I asked and smiled while his smug little smirk was wiped clean off his face. I giggled slightly as Mark came back. He glared at the guy for a second, then set down a martini glass with a clear liquid inside-water-and white crystals around the top-sugar. I took it elegantly in one hand and took a sip. "Oh, don't forget to drop the pretenses on your way out." I said coolley.

"Well, you're different, aren't you?" the dude said and turned to order a drink.

Mark gave me a sideways look and looked at him. "You've got no idea who you're sitting next to, dude. I'd be careful." he said darkly, as if I was a demon or a witch or something like that. Hot-guy raised an eyebrow and glanced at me. I took another sip and stared straight ahead.

And then he walked away to fix the pervert's drink. I sipped the icey water and looked at all the wine and vodka bottles lining the walls, thinking of a poem I read in middle school about wine once. _I am the wine and the future..._

"I'm Derrick, by the way." he said and held out his hand. I took it lightly, trying to make as little contact as humanly possible, and gave it one shake. Then I snatched it away as if burned.

"I'm Maria."

He shrugged and smiled again, but I just rolled my eyes. "I guess you're not really into guys, are you?" he said lightly and looked me over again with a curious gaze. I sighed and rolled my eyes again.

"I'm not a lesbian, if that's what you think," I said and by the way he seemed to relax, I knew that was exactly what he was thinking. "I just think all men are chauvenistic perverts who care about nothing but getting laid." I said calmly and took another sip. If we were in an anime (which is kinda like a Japenese cartoon) he would have sweatdropped.

"Wow. You seem popular though." he mused and turned in his seat to watch the other guys in the room stare at me with drool dripping down their shirts and hearts crowding their eyes. I 'hmph'ed and turned back to my drink.

"Whatever."

"You must give guys a lot of trouble, huh?" he said just as Mark returned with Derrick's drink. Mark patted my hand and smiled at the guy, but it was a devious smile.

"Yeah, but she's worth the trouble, I'll tell you that. Once you get past the trust problem, she's just plain perfect. Every guy's dream girl." I slapped Mark's hand away and scowled at him.

"Shut up, Mark!" I snapped and gripped the water tighter.

"Well, how do we solve a problem like Maria?" Derrick joked, but Mark was already gone. I stood up and drained the rest of the water. I grabbed my clutch and smiled sweetly down at him, hoping he felt the daggers I was telepathically throwing at him.

"Later, perv." I said and walked toward Katie, who was waving frantically for me to hurry the heck up, lest she be lost in a club full of horny, dumb men. Jason was nowhere to be seen, but judging by the way Katie's eyes were glazed over, it wasn't a bad 'talk' after all.

"Later, angel." he called after me, and I heard him chuckle.

I grumbled to myself all the way across the room, out the door, and in the car. Katie smiled slyly and laughed when I punched the gas just a little too hard for the elderly lady across the street's comfort.

"So, who's you're boyfriend?"

"Shut up, Katie."

"You met a hot guy that was totally into you, and you totally rejected him."

"He was a chauvenistic jerk."

"He looked fine."

"Whatever."

She was quiet for a moment. "You know, not all guys are like Chris." she said calmly and looked to me with her big, sincere puppy-eyes. I sighed and glared at the road ahead of me, wishing I could let myself believe her words.

"I'll believe when I see it," I promised her.


End file.
